I had a tuff time during my teen years, mostly because of the choices I made. It all started back in 1991 when I had been hanging out with the wrong crowd, and doing the wrong things. I was a rebel without a cause, definitely the black sheep of my family. My family didn't know what to do with me, and I don't think I knew what to do with me either.

It was around that same time that I fell deeply in love with a very beautiful girl that had just moved into town. I spent all of my time with her and my best friend. It was the three of us where ever we went. It seemed that every other relationship that I had with friends and family began to fall to the way side, and they became my whole world. We shared all of our time, all of our problems, and all of our joy. It seemed that I had got to a point in time where I was living in absolute bliss. Little did I know of the coming events that would change the rest of my life.

One day my best friend's brother and one his closest friends came to me and told me that my girlfriend was cheating on me. (Confusion and rage filled my heart as I listened, and I thought to myself, “who is it, I'll kill them”.) They each looked at me and told me that it was my best friend. It seemed like whole room just got darker, and I felt my heart go completely numb.

Over the course of the next year my best friend and I became very bitter enemies, and tried everything that we could to destroy one another. I never loved and hated anyone so much at the same time in my entire life. I became very depressed, and even attempted suicide. I spent most of my time lying in bed, with no reason to get up. Images seemed to replay over and over in my mind. No matter what I did, I couldn't block them out. It seemed that I didn't have enough courage to live and I didn't have enough courage to die. I came to believe that if there was a God, He wouldn't allow me to be hurt like this. …and if He did exist, I hated Him. I couldn't feel anymore, and the only feeling that I felt, was that was wrong.

One day an old friend called me up and said you gotta come down to Arizona! This is the promise land! There are jobs everywhere! There are girls everywhere! Well, that's all I needed to hear, ..a voice of hope. Two weeks later I found myself on a bus to Phoenix Arizona. After being there for a while, my friend got a new job and left the state, and I was all alone. The cost of living was expensive there, and I ended up working 2 full time jobs and 2 part time jobs. I worked from Thursday at 6:00 pm until Sunday at 2:00 pm straight through, only sleeping on my breaks, and on the bus.

On one particular Sunday, I got off the bus and I saw a blind man (we'll call him “Pete”) crossing 32nd & Thomas, which was four lanes of traffic on both sides of the road. I thought to myself, “this guy's going to get him self killed!” So I offered to help him cross the road. When we got to the other side, he thanked me. I said, “ so, where are you going?”. He explained that he was going shopping at this Target store across the street. I said, “If you want”, …”I really don't know anyone down here and don't have anything to do”. …“I will help you get what you need and get you back on the bus”. He thanked me, and we went shopping. Pete & I grew to be great friends. We would meet different places, sometimes the park, or ASU, and many more shopping trips. The funny thing was that we never exchanged addresses, or phone numbers. We would just plan to meet somewhere, …so if we missed each other, we may have never met again.

On December 6th 1992 I came home from work. My new roommate Jay said to me, “There was a Blind man here and he left this gift for you”. I said “That must have been Pete, but he doesn't know where I live!” Jay said, “You can go ahead and open it, the Blind man told me that he didn't want me to wait until Christmas to open it.” …I opened it, and the gift was a Bible. I blurted out, “A Bible! What do I need a Bible for? I don't even believe in God!” Jay said “Hey! Have some respect! First of all that's a gift, and second, that's God you're talking about!” I didn't have much more to say, and I went off to bed. I found that Pete left a Card too, so I opened it. It said something like, “Shawn I really listened to the things you said to me, and about how you were hurt. I think you'll find some understanding in Matthew Chapters 5-7. Please take the time to read it.”

I don't know if was out of respect for Pete, or if it was because I had no TV, or what, …but I started reading. Somehow everything started to make sense to me, and it was like somebody cared how I felt, and it was God. Through that December I read my Bible everyday, and every night when I read, …I would experience that very chapter I read the very next day, but only in my life. I began to pray. I'll never forget my first prayer. I prayed it every night before I would sleep, …“God, I don't care if it hurts to heel, just so long as I can feel”

One of the experiences that I remember the best was when I got out of work late one Friday, and it was raining. All the banks closed early in Scottsdale, and I had no where to cash my pay check. It was several miles to get home, and I had no cash for bus fare. A convenience store was open near my bus stop, so I walked in and asked the clerk if there was any way that he could cash my paycheck. The clerk said, “I'm sorry, we don't cash paychecks here.” Giving it another try I said, “Do you accept personal checks? I just need 50 cents for bus fare”. The clerk again said, “I'm sorry, we can't do that”. In desperation I said, “How about I write you a check for $5.00, and you just give me 50 cents. The clerk robotically said, “I'm sorry, I can't do that”. At that very moment I heard a man from behind me say, “how much do you need?” Looking down in embarrassment, I said, “all I need is 50 cents.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a large hand full of change, and dumped the coins into my hands. I looked at him and said, “Sir, all I need is 50 cents”. All I got for a reply was, “Don't worry about it”, and he turned and walked away.

I got on the bus, and sat down in my seat, and thanked God for helping me out with bus fare. I fell asleep, as usual, and I woke up in down town Phoenix, missing my stop by a couple of miles. I got off the bus and got a transfer slip to catch the next bus going the other way. I began to smile because of how silly I felt, when all of a sudden a man in a suit and time walked up to me. He was very frantic, saying, “excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me! My wife left me today, and she came to where I work, and she took off with my car. My wallet was in there with everything, and I have no money to get home. Could you spare 50 cents.” I reached in my pocket, and pulled out all the change that I had been given, and dumped it into his hands, and he looked up at me and said, “All I need is 50 cents”. I said, don't worry about it, and turned and walked away. Tears of joy came as I began to cry for the first time in almost two years. Thank you God for letting me feel again…

You know it's funny, but I never saw Pete again, and I feel awful, because I can't even remember for sure if that blind man's name is really “Pete”, it just sounds familiar. …But I will never forget what he did, …he was my angel. I never saw any wings or anything, but God definitely sent him to me with a message.